Chaos

It’s been a while since I posted. I guess this post is just more than anything for me to get my thoughts down and out of my head. The last couple weeks have been a whirlwind. My parents found out I wasn’t working full-time like they thought I were, and the depth of my eating disorder really began to become apparent to them. on Monday of last week they ended up taking me to the E.R. as I was suicidal. I had spent the entire weekend in my room, only coming out to binge and purge multiple times a day. I had lost all hope that things would get better.

That being said… things ARE getting better. Getting to the ER got me some steps in the right direction as to getting into and eating disorder clinic. My parents and I also made the decision for me to move back home. I feel safe here. At this state I’m in, I just can’t trust myself living alone.. it’s as simple as that. I hope one day soon I can, but right now I know that I can’t.

So since moving home, I have sort of put everything on hold in order to benefit my recovery. I was supposed to start a new job today, but ended up quitting. This is what I always do.. I try to push myself through something (new job, school, etc.) and my recovery gets put on the back burner. I don’t want that to happen this time. I want to feel 100% and healthy and happy before returning to work. I need to have good coping skills and feel stronger, right now I’m just not there.

So I guess a big part of me feels like I’ve taken so many steps backwards now. Moving home, not working, broke, list goes on… but I am trying to remember to take this one day at a time. It really has not been that long since I committed myself to recover, and I need to take some time to truly do just that.

Hope you’re having a lovely week

xx Liv

“If you have made mistakes, even serious ones, there is always another chance for you. What we call failure is not the falling down, but the staying down.”

— Mary Pickford