Well I wanted to start this post by saying – today marks 1 WEEK binge/purge free. May not seem like a lot… but that’s the longest I’ve gone in a forever it seems. Quite proud about this 🙂
So the other day I had a doctor’s appointment and I finally opened up to my family doctor. I had never before told him about my eating issues. It was hard, but another step forward. I think we always expect the worst from people, but so far I haven’t received that response from anyone in my life. My doctor was beyond understanding and keen on joining the team to get me healthy. Right away starting to call some psychiatrists that specialize in EDs.
I also had to go for some blood tests and an ECG (heart test) the next day.
Fun times… but just another step forward in getting healthy I guess.
So I’m finding the hardest thing to be eating when I’m alone. When I’m at home with my parents I eat breakfast, lunch and dinner with them. I watch them, and when they eat, I eat. I feel like I don’t really understand my hunger cues, so it’s easier to have someone else to base them off of.
However, when I’m alone – all I want to do is starve myself. The idea of eating when I don’t feel hungry (ex. breakfast) is so hard. Also, I find it EXTREMELY hard to eat and/or prepare food around other people. I feel safe with my parents, but when my roommates are in the kitchen I’d prefer to just stay in my room and not eat.
That all being said, the only thing saving me is having prepared meals. Whenever I go home, my parents and I make big batches of meals and I take them back to my place in individual containers – planning out what I’m going to have each day. It takes some of the decisions and panic away which is what I know I need right now.
You can’t go wrong with making a big healthy salad like this one 🙂
“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”